Vulnerability

Yesterday was quite challenging. I had pain in my right groin area. When I checked my monthly female calendar app, I was in the midst of ovulation. The pain was uncomfortable along with not having any appetite, dry mouth, feeling tired, and a sensitive scalp. I was in tears and felt low. I mustered up anything I could to get myself to eat anything and drink some water. My family was visiting and I stayed in the bedroom most of the time. They would come up and check in on me. Again it was energy to smile and share stories when I could. Thank goodness my family was very understanding. I literally stayed inside the house all weekend. Yes I had fear and anxiety to step out in the public. Fear of getting sick again when I was already feeling like crap.

Mark‘s sanity helped. He recommended I call my medical team and let them know how I’m feeling. Then he suggested I take an ibuprofen to at least help ease any pain I was having.The doctor on call said I could take the ibuprofen. My sister brought some of my nephew’s milk since I hadn’t eaten anything to take with the ibuprofen. It helped! I was able to eat some of the pasta salad my aunt made. Hearing my nephew’e cute voice when he calls for his “Mummy” put a smile on my face.

Then I also started thinking about all the prayers and support that’s out there for me. Those thoughts lifted my spirits! So please know I do think about everyone’s love and support that are being poured out to me and for me. It helps!

Inherently I’m pretty positive. Sometimes I do allow myself to get low and let these feelings flow through me. I like being the one that’s there for others. I’m learning to allow others to be there for me.

My other challenge is this chemo brain I’m getting. I’m not as sharp as I know I am. I‘m finding myself frustrated with myself. I have to be patient and adjust with how my brain is working right now through all this.

Thanks again for reading this. I wanted to express the thoughts that are circling in my head.

I appreciate all of you! I especially appreciate God’s love and grace!